How I Survived a 90-day Dating Experiment

I am the Queen of “situationships“. In fact, for almost all of my 20’s that’s all I’ve known. Was I afraid of commitment? Hmmm…not exactly, more like I never understood the true value of my companionship and diluted FWBs into “just friends”.

Constantly convincing myself that we are just friends knowing that my feelings were stronger. Believing that if I turned a blind-eye to my feelings that I would be invincible to any kind of hurt. In our age of millisecond attention spans and an increased pool of people at our fingertips think, Tinder. It’s increasingly harder to garner the sincere attention and effort from a potential bae.

love-locksSo how does a woman like myself find herself in a 90-day dating experiment? How else, but by force. A supernatural force that was outside of my control that compelled me to give a man totally off my radar a chance. So on March 23rd, 2016 I accepted his offer to enter into a 90-day dating trial. The terms of the agreement were to date exclusively and wholly give our energy, trust and focus to getting to know each other. At the end of the 90-days we would evaluate and then make a decision about whether to continue our courtship or not.

I tend to deal with most experiences in my life on an intellectual level first before it passes (if it ever makes it) onto emotional, spiritual and/or physical levels. So mentally this seemed like a brilliant idea! I mean there were concrete guidelines, a solid deadline and seemingly mutual desire. What happened within the 90-days tested me farther than my analytical brain could handle.

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First off, Men were coming out of the woodwork! I’m talking about men I hadn’t spoken to in months and in some cases even years. It’s like they could smell that the tide had turned and they no longer could get my attention whenever they pleased. Secondly, I had to get used to being a “we”. I really struggled with the fact that I was no longer just Chelle, but now Chelle with a bae. Every time someone starts a conversation they ask how we or he is doing before asking how I am. I could rant about that for ages…but I will refrain. Lastly, my choices and decisions were no longer just based on my singular desires or whims. I actually had to take into account a whole another person. These are just the things that I battled with internally.

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Within the physical world, bae and I went through a series of trials during the 90-days. We lost friends, went through a family death and the grieving process. He experienced crazy female tendencies a.k.a me going through his phone and (not-so) sweetly telling a chick off. I tried to break-up with him almost 30-days in due to pressure from my family. We met each other families and friends. Survived a weekend trip to LA as well as a couple of road trips in-between there. All while trying to balance work, family, friends and self.

I must say that it has been the most transformative 90-days of my life. I learned how self-less and selfish I am. Yet, I now know how open and full my heart can truly be.

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29, The Wonder Year

Less than 5 short months away, I will be turning the BIG 3-0. So as I start to reminisce over the last decade of my life. Honestly…truly (in my Joanne the Scammer voice) I can say that it has been a complete (thrill) ride. As I go into what I know are going to be the best years of my life yet! It is with pleasure that I give an ode to being 29 or as I fondly call it, “The Wonder Year”.

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Maybe some people have reached this level already, but at 29 I am actually comfortable with people not liking me. In fact, it has become increasingly amusing to me that there are people that just aren’t going to like me or understand me for absolutely no reason. I seriously get a chuckle at the fact that others’ insecurities cause them to dislike me so much that they actually put energy into not liking me. Which I have summarized is a source of power and I’ll take it.

In contrast, I find myself crawling out of my twenty-something selfishness becoming sensitive to the pain and struggles of others. My interests no longer center around my own happiness, rather I want everyone to be lifted to their greater sense of self. So open-heartedly I dive into the recesses of my mind, use my spiritual guidance and utilize the resources around me to impart wisdom when necessary. Or give knowledge and/or resources where needed.

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After almost three decades I can see the results of poor decisions or even great decisions. What is even better is that I have enough life experience to not fall into those life traps again. Yet, I am still young enough to believe I have time to still struggle with finding my voice, work towards my passions and eating healthfully.

My greatest blessing so far, is that after 30 years I still have some of the greatest people around me. My parents! I am ever so grateful that they are the best people in my life. They have worked so hard to provide a stable and nourishing life for me. Forever I am indebted to them for sacrificing so much, working tirelessly so that I can have a solid foundation. As they near retirement my only wish is that they enjoy it. Take big risks. Travel. Live lavishly as possible. Also, I wish that they would not worry so much about me and trust that they have instilled within me their very best, which I promise to use every ounce of. I (kind of) got this and if I don’t I am blessed enough to still have their counsel.

Twenty-nine revolutions around this earth has surely grounded me a bit. Yet, I am more ready for where the next 29 will take me. So I’ll bid ado to my twenties and enter into my grown and sexy thirties.

 

 

When Being Unhappy Is Okay

From a very early age I was taught that when you go into work put on your polite, unfazed black girl corporate face and voice. I’ve held onto that sentiment for almost over a decade that I’ve been in the working sector. Constantly, I have coached myself to push down my feelings, be extra helpful and smile.

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However, I  am beginning to think that is not the wisest of advice or at least my strict adherence to it has not been the wisest of decisions. Constantly, I find myself in this position where I am unhappy at work, while mostly in the past I’ve blamed it not working in the field/industry that I desired.  Now that that is no longer true, I have been more introspective on how and why I feel the way I do.  I have narrowed my unhappiness to three reason and/or causes.

 

  1. Expecting a lot of (even perfection) from myself, but not having any expectations of my boss and/or senior co-workers and how they can play a role in my success or growth within a company.

 

  1. Believing that just because I have a job, I should just blindly be grateful and content like the others around me.  Additionally, that having (any) job equals me being a worthy person.

 

  1. Not speaking up when I am threatened with microagressions or just plain losing my sense of having a voice amid the big “corporation” .

 

Proudly, I proclaim that yes I am unhappy and I am glad for it. It lets me know that I am not complacent and that I value myself, my work and my intelligence. Reminds me that I am alive. Reminds me that there is something new and challenging on the horizon. It’s the fuel that propels me to constantly chase after my goals and use my natural talents.

Soooo yea I am unhappy right now, but change is just right around the corner.

Written by: Chelle

 

IN Demand or Not: House of CB Opens Flagship Store in LA

If you not familiar with the British label, House Of CB. You should be! It has been seen on celebrities like The Kardashians, reality-star Porsha Williams, mega-star Jennifer Lopez. All within a year House of CB has become the go-to sexy, sultry yet attention-grabbing hot-spot for garments that stun on red carpets. Conna Walker is the beauty with the brains who gave conception to the affordable luxury e-boutique in 2010. House of CB has flourished from its roots in London to expand internationally and its level  of product offerings.

Tuesday, June 14th celebrities stepped out to celebrate the opening of House of CB’s first brick and mortar in the US. As expected no opening is complete without a Kardashian.

Khloé Kardashian wore a bright-orange House of CB bodycon dress. Was she IN Demand or Not?

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Also in attendance was ‘The Real’ talk show host Adrienne Bailon in a caped blush pink romper by the brand. Was she IN Demand or Not?

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Written by:

Chelle

Instagram: @magill2

Flower Boys : Tyler The Creator Debuts First Fashion Show 

 

O0a1f8394453100bd83612261aa951bf6n Saturday, June 11th at the L. A. Live Complex Tyler the Creator debuted his first Golf Wang and Golf Le Fleur collections. On first inspection, the collection is heavily injected with 1990’s hip-hop influence. Think over sized sweatshirts, polos and jeans in bright pastel colors. His collection also signaled his departure from designing collections for Van, venturing into his own shoe collection Golf Le Fleur, which in French means “Flower Boy”. His design work does not stop at clothing and accessories, as he also introduced furniture creations; imagine large Coca-Cola cans as armchairs and tables akin to what you would find in Fred Flintstones’ living room.

During the show Tyler admitted that, “I don’t know a lot about Fashion”. Yet, he retorts, “The difference between me and these niggas is that I make what I like”.

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Seemingly, making what you like looks a lot like what is currently trending at the moment. Although, Golf Wang mimics a water-down version of Cross Colours. I suppose there has to be a certain amount of flattery in imitation.

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As always, I will fight for originality and innovation in fashion. Those are the key ingredients that continue to propel the industry forward. Conversely, I will also always stand-for the person that has a dream, an idea and then executes. A dream fulfilled one of God’s greatest gifts.

Click to watch the show for yourself.

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Written by

Chelle

Instagram: @magill2

MKE Spirit Reprise

I have been on an unplanned,but perhaps needed creative hiatus. Unbelievably, its been a year since any type of creative inspiration has coursed through my body. A slow, yet continuous death of creative sensibilities in both visual and written forms. I cannot truly say that I am 100%, nor as eager as I once was to create beautiful imagery. Yet, I am pushing myself to try again to regain and rebirth that which was lost.

So I am going to kick things off where I left them, MKE Spirit. I have to apologize to the creatives who gave up their time, talent and beauty to this project. The deadlines I had promised and missed, it is unlike me to not deliver.

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This installment of the MKE Spirit project is waaaaaaaay over due, truly the woman who is spotlighted for the publication of this MKE Spirit portrait shoot, Jasmine, has since moved on to accomplish bigger and better goals. However, during the shoot I did take some time to interview Jasmine. What resonated the most to me was her goal to,

“change the lives of people who are nearest to me.”

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That is the essence of this project, to be an inspiration to others in our city. To remind the creatives of the city that your art, your voice, your influence deserves to be heard outside of Milwaukee city limits and out into our nation…the world.

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I would be remiss if I didn’t also recognize Darianne for her photography and editing work on this shoot. She is a talented photographer, graphic designer and advertiser.

“Rebirth” A Conceptual visual

Straight from the styling trio of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Fashionable Demand’s latest conceptual work of art features the group’s very own aspiring Creative Director, Michael Ja’Ameer. The title of this conceptual visual is “Rebirth”, the idea for the concept came from my constant self-reflection about Fashionable Demand’s place within MKE’s fashion community. In the farthest corners of my mind I’ve always been unsure about myself and where I belong…not really sure if styling was something I wanted to limit myself to. In this fashion community there’s a standard blueprint to follow, you either get with the program , or are forced to swim upstream against that status quo. Realizing this, I knew there was little to no room for Fashionable Demand to make an effective impact if we were to stick only to styling.  Due to the rebellious nature of the creatives that are composed of FD, I came to the conclusion, that we always want to push the envelope. We strive for diversity and freshness with each project we produce that go against the norms that are commonly seen amongst our fashion community.

“Rebirth” was inspired from the idea of self-reinventing. I strongly feel that reinvention is necessary in order to stay relevant and current with fashion & arts ever-changing flow. “It isn’t necessary to always lead with your left foot when you want to take a step further, sometimes you have to change the pace in the way you walk in order to get to where you want to go in life.” We needed that change in pace with how we produce our work. We wanted to give this idea of reinvention a visual, Using body movement-Interpretation in each image to tell the story of how I am being reborn anew, a creative director whose path was once to become a professional stylist.  Now I have  discovered the art behind fashion. As a team we now walk both paths harmoniously.

Each image is a representation of Fashionable Demand’s “Rebirth”, the colors in the images mirror the evolutionary stages of my team. Starting from the darkest water tone that symbolizes in short the death or end of what we once were. Then to the lightest water tone- symbolizing the “Rebirth” or start of whom we’ve become as an collective. For this conceptual visual I constructed a copper-wired floral crown to project a subliminal message behind the concept, If your passion for what you love to do runs deep, there’s no need to seek confirmation from other people or entities to tell you who are or what you’re good at. If you fight for your creative identity everyday and you strongly believe in what you were put on this earth to do… crown yourself and claim it.

For this project we had the pleasure of collaborating once again with longtime friend and photographer Jamie Robarge. We challenged each others limits with this concept because it’s very different material from our past collaborations, we further educated ourselves on lighting techniques and water-color demonstrations to set a theme for this concept. We really wanted to capture a visual aesthetic of what it’s like to be reborn anew. In retrospect, we want to continue to deliver organic and fresh concepts with everything we produce. So, in a sense, we are constantly “Reinventing” our work and image to keep balance in our craft. Our message is that we want to be aspiring to the growing creative artists in our city and across social media platforms around the globe. It is ok to take risks & adopt unfamiliar behaviors with how you want to brand yourself or on what path you want to take your creative gifts. It’s necessary to move forward, it’s necessary to grow.

Cultivate your difference

 

*** we do not own any rights to “pendulum” by our beloved twigs in the vsual above ❤ ***

photography by: Jamie Robarge

Videography by: Krissy A ward

you can view the entire visual in our gallery here & on the following sites below: